2010.02/10（Wed）
depressing day before JP
I do believe that i'm born with bad luck.
Firstly, i never won any lucky draw since i know what a lucky draw is.
Secondly, i never had much luck of picking up money, not even coins.
thirdly, everytime before i board a plane that flies to my favourite land of the rising sun, mishap comes knocking at my door. It's not even funny now, it's all depressing.
---
Just now while walking to the station with my collague, i saw her walking to his apartment. It all just happened in front of me, i didnt want to see it, i didnt want to know it but it always just seems to get to me. Luck? or bad luck?
I dont need anyone to tell me that i should pick up my broken pieces and walk on now. If someone could understand how depressing and heartwrenching this is, let me continue like this. Really, i may be silly and stupid falling so hard for someone who doesnt even love me half of i do. But, still, i didnt have a choice, it's just him.
and the love for him was a part of me.
it's painful trying to cut it away, trying to dispose it.
Though, i know and i hope the world would stop telling me like i'm a retard who doesnt understand, TIME HEALS EVERYTHING, true. But what about the process before everything heals? I am already trying my very best to stay happy, i am...
Firstly, i never won any lucky draw since i know what a lucky draw is.
Secondly, i never had much luck of picking up money, not even coins.
thirdly, everytime before i board a plane that flies to my favourite land of the rising sun, mishap comes knocking at my door. It's not even funny now, it's all depressing.
---
Just now while walking to the station with my collague, i saw her walking to his apartment. It all just happened in front of me, i didnt want to see it, i didnt want to know it but it always just seems to get to me. Luck? or bad luck?
I dont need anyone to tell me that i should pick up my broken pieces and walk on now. If someone could understand how depressing and heartwrenching this is, let me continue like this. Really, i may be silly and stupid falling so hard for someone who doesnt even love me half of i do. But, still, i didnt have a choice, it's just him.
and the love for him was a part of me.
it's painful trying to cut it away, trying to dispose it.
Though, i know and i hope the world would stop telling me like i'm a retard who doesnt understand, TIME HEALS EVERYTHING, true. But what about the process before everything heals? I am already trying my very best to stay happy, i am...
2010.02/08（Mon）
CD: 2 days!
YESSS! 2 more days to my winter trip!
I tried to break the ice with the staff i detest the most in my workplace last night. Because i think, we're going for a holiday and so this tension should sort of stop. And i love kazu, the work place and i really wanna continue working there for as long as i can. So, i thought i should take the first step and clear misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings seems to have been cleared.
But it's disappointing to know that, despite gving my best to kazu, there are still people who thinks not so positively of me. Not the one i had conflict with, but others whom i actually quite respect. Why...?
this is life....?
---
The other day, KAZU-ers went to karaoke together!
Of course, i had fun<3
---
Going for reunion dinner with mum later, then meeting joanne for starbucks! :D And need to finish all the translation in the night...
I tried to break the ice with the staff i detest the most in my workplace last night. Because i think, we're going for a holiday and so this tension should sort of stop. And i love kazu, the work place and i really wanna continue working there for as long as i can. So, i thought i should take the first step and clear misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings seems to have been cleared.
But it's disappointing to know that, despite gving my best to kazu, there are still people who thinks not so positively of me. Not the one i had conflict with, but others whom i actually quite respect. Why...?
this is life....?
---
The other day, KAZU-ers went to karaoke together!
Of course, i had fun<3
---
Going for reunion dinner with mum later, then meeting joanne for starbucks! :D And need to finish all the translation in the night...
2010.02/05（Fri）
CD: 5days!
Today, i received the room plannings!
and i hate to say, there are 2 days i am sleeping with the person i detest the most in my work place. PERIODS. It's okay, i'll change it when we reach japan. LOL! And i went to doctor today to get some contraceptive pills (are they?) to stop my period from suddenly visiting me when i am off happily in ONSEN.
BUT! sadly, never thought people at work are so conservative.
they couldn't accept this. Hey, come on, there are people who are on medication to regulate their period, there are people who had to stop it from coming for a while too for a more propriate purpose then mine, i know. But still, doesnt it mean i'm evil...? mouu~ dont understand.
the pills cost me 50bucks kays!! DDD:
for the happiness this trip, it's worth it :DDD
---
off to do WORK... lol.
2010.02/03（Wed）
最终话
终于太阳 还是升起 蒸发昨夜为你落的泪滴
终于自己 能为自己 呼吸一口不为你活的
呼吸 为自己而呼吸 为自己而心跳
为自己而快乐和伤心
明天会有新的剧情 会有人更爱我
会有不再委屈的命运
不再改变那些为你改变的个性
不再忍耐那些长久忍耐的心情
虽然心还疼痛地 回忆最初的场景
一开始你 就准备好 最后一集你抽身的干净
成全了你 也就是我 成全自己最后最美的期许
那天你眼神泄漏孩子气 我偷偷下定给你幸福的决定
那开场白说得越真越壮丽 那最终话就是遗憾的天地
不该继续叹息 再次深深呼吸
为自己呼吸 为自己而心跳
为自己而快乐和伤心
明天会有新的剧情 会有人更爱我
会有不再委屈的命运
不再改变那些为你改变的个性
不再忍耐那些长久忍耐的耳语
虽然心还疼痛地 感谢名单还有你
终于太阳 还是升起 蒸发昨夜为你落的泪滴
终于自己 能为自己 呼吸一口我不为你活的呼吸
最终话的最终场景 女孩眼中他的背影
----
Meaningful lyrics, i love ah shin! :)
2010.02/03（Wed）
CD: 7 more days!
time check: 5:42am 3rd feb 2010
and i just finished my asagohan! (breakfast)
and it's MAPO TOUFU! *bloated*
mama woke up at 4am to cook for my brother (as requested) as bentou for him to bring to school. And due to the fact that we seldom want her to cook for us, my brother's request made her so happy, she woke up extremely early... She made mapo toufu, some tori karaage and a plate of sakana itame.
i actually didnt want to eat.
but it's mapo toufu! lol. it has a story to why i love this dish... anyway, i wanted to try and ended up having my breakfast. Now......... i regret D:
Had dinner at 5pm yesterday eveing in kazu, then had supper at 1130pm in TCC Peranakan Place. When i got home, i was craving for choco and had 2 bars of kinder bueno, at 5am in the morning... i had a bowl of rice with mapotoufu and like 5 pieces of karaage.
anyone thinks i should stop eating like this...? *hands up!*
Maaa, i have 7 days to control myself and keep my body in shape. We're talking about ONSEN in JAPAN in front of my KAZU-ERS 7 days later you see, it would be unsightly, in-my-opinion, to see myself naked with a big tummy in the mirror. I always tell people around me that it's perfectly ok to have some fats, but for my own sake, i cannot forgive myself having too much of that. I so need self discipline and stop eating supper for the sake of ridding my flabby arms. *pouts* 7days 7 days! *chants*
---
i wanna watch this! i love the image of the characters.
thou, it might have been like horror version of alice in the wonderland for kids. LOL! Who cares! Just look at the cat and it's WIDE SMILE! :D kawai kunai? :DD
and i just finished my asagohan! (breakfast)
and it's MAPO TOUFU! *bloated*
mama woke up at 4am to cook for my brother (as requested) as bentou for him to bring to school. And due to the fact that we seldom want her to cook for us, my brother's request made her so happy, she woke up extremely early... She made mapo toufu, some tori karaage and a plate of sakana itame.
i actually didnt want to eat.
but it's mapo toufu! lol. it has a story to why i love this dish... anyway, i wanted to try and ended up having my breakfast. Now......... i regret D:
Had dinner at 5pm yesterday eveing in kazu, then had supper at 1130pm in TCC Peranakan Place. When i got home, i was craving for choco and had 2 bars of kinder bueno, at 5am in the morning... i had a bowl of rice with mapotoufu and like 5 pieces of karaage.
anyone thinks i should stop eating like this...? *hands up!*
Maaa, i have 7 days to control myself and keep my body in shape. We're talking about ONSEN in JAPAN in front of my KAZU-ERS 7 days later you see, it would be unsightly, in-my-opinion, to see myself naked with a big tummy in the mirror. I always tell people around me that it's perfectly ok to have some fats, but for my own sake, i cannot forgive myself having too much of that. I so need self discipline and stop eating supper for the sake of ridding my flabby arms. *pouts* 7days 7 days! *chants*
---
i wanna watch this! i love the image of the characters.
thou, it might have been like horror version of alice in the wonderland for kids. LOL! Who cares! Just look at the cat and it's WIDE SMILE! :D kawai kunai? :DD
2010.02/02（Tue）
XMAS 2008!
As the title says, i'm here to post x'mas video!
I've ran out of nice pictures to blog and life has certainly slow down in the exciting pace. And since i think i've had enough of emo-ing for at least this week, i should move on with some lighter mood stuffs :D But that doesnt mean that i'm over with being depressed, people who are sick of my emo-ing can just stop visiting this site. I will, when and ever i feel like doing so, continue to be gloomy :D
---
Was clearing my computer space, deleting some of the unwanted things in it. And i started watching all the videos i took in 2008. During the christmas pressie exchange, during my lowest point of time in 2008 and my bday trip to onsen with joanne!
That was 27th December 2008.
when the tamaya-ers (Ryouko, Siru, Meiling, Andrea, Natsuki, Leechoo and Yui) had a little meet up, exchanging x'mas pressie. Apparently, meiling got condom from siru, i got g-strings from ryouko, leechoo got kino vouchers from me... And it was sort of a belated bday celebration for siru as well. Remembered her big RICE BALL (uncooked) XD
we played true or dare... and this was to go into seven-eleven and ask the shemale to reccommend me the best condom they sell.
and this was to give him a christmas pressie. One of the fancy-lacey panty i got from ryouko was wrapped up for him. Can you see, he was so happy receiving it! LOL!
---
8 more days to my JAPAN WINTER TRIP!
My first winter trip! and i would have been there all season! :))))
Everyone is about half into the mood already!! Everyday at work, before the crowds rushes in, we'll be talking about the trip when we have the time to. I really these people i'm working with now. It's a different love from those i have for the tamaya-ers. In kazu, it's getting more stable and peaceful for me and so i think that's why I'm gaining weight. The period before i left tamaya i was only 42kgs and that was really boney-ish unhealthy (i'm 45kgs now).
Maaaaa... cant compare. But i really do love them both.
I've ran out of nice pictures to blog and life has certainly slow down in the exciting pace. And since i think i've had enough of emo-ing for at least this week, i should move on with some lighter mood stuffs :D But that doesnt mean that i'm over with being depressed, people who are sick of my emo-ing can just stop visiting this site. I will, when and ever i feel like doing so, continue to be gloomy :D
---
Was clearing my computer space, deleting some of the unwanted things in it. And i started watching all the videos i took in 2008. During the christmas pressie exchange, during my lowest point of time in 2008 and my bday trip to onsen with joanne!
That was 27th December 2008.
when the tamaya-ers (Ryouko, Siru, Meiling, Andrea, Natsuki, Leechoo and Yui) had a little meet up, exchanging x'mas pressie. Apparently, meiling got condom from siru, i got g-strings from ryouko, leechoo got kino vouchers from me... And it was sort of a belated bday celebration for siru as well. Remembered her big RICE BALL (uncooked) XD
we played true or dare... and this was to go into seven-eleven and ask the shemale to reccommend me the best condom they sell.
and this was to give him a christmas pressie. One of the fancy-lacey panty i got from ryouko was wrapped up for him. Can you see, he was so happy receiving it! LOL!
---
8 more days to my JAPAN WINTER TRIP!
My first winter trip! and i would have been there all season! :))))
Everyone is about half into the mood already!! Everyday at work, before the crowds rushes in, we'll be talking about the trip when we have the time to. I really these people i'm working with now. It's a different love from those i have for the tamaya-ers. In kazu, it's getting more stable and peaceful for me and so i think that's why I'm gaining weight. The period before i left tamaya i was only 42kgs and that was really boney-ish unhealthy (i'm 45kgs now).
Maaaaa... cant compare. But i really do love them both.
2010.02/02（Tue）
New song!
Morning musume - 女が目立ってなぜイケナイ
NICE BLINGBLING CLOHTINGS! ((:
eririn's new hair and make-up makes her look so bubbly cute! :D
NICE BLINGBLING CLOHTINGS! ((:
eririn's new hair and make-up makes her look so bubbly cute! :D
2010.02/01（Mon）
诚实
事实很丑陋，但它是治疗伤心最好的良药。
诚实点不去顾虑，说没爱过，说没需要过
听的时候很痛，觉得被羞辱了，仿佛一个巴掌刮下来
但是这一巴掌刮得好，快刀斩乱马，连根拔起
能让他那么狠下心来，是我的错我造成的局面
我怎么解释，他都不能明白不能从我的角度去体谅
虽说如此，我还是要强调我不是故意的。
断了自己的后路，是我
爱上这样的一个人，是我
自以为他也喜欢过，是我
伤心难过，活该的人也是我
对阿~从开始到结束都是我一个人的错。
2010.01/29（Fri）
emo-ing
睡不着。
开了电脑，上线玩Facebook
没事做就翻了以前在里面写过的东西来看
发现，有他的日子里心里原来那么平静
虽然偶尔会闹一下情绪，心情还是稳的
因为，把他放到了心里殿着底
知道不管怎么样他都还是在的，是我的
知道虽然不是男女朋友可是到莫一种程度上来说
他是要我的。
我记得，2008年7月的莫一天
心情不好，坐在KEN-CHAN RAMEN里喝得醉得不行
很纳闷觉得自己很下贱，为什么人家讲明不做男女朋友
我还是可以没有迟疑的答应他接受这种关系，继续下去
可是时间慢慢的过去，一天一天的适应和相处
从克服自己，和小孩说再见，到能他认真去想和我的未来
其中我经历的种种情绪狠狠的教会我怎么无条件的去爱
慢慢的心态一天一天的改变，知道如果爱他就只有降过
只有这样的一天过一天他再会继续要我，让我留下来
所以只要能留在他身边，我怎么样都OK
寂寞时我可以去找朋友玩，不烦他不打扰他
有时间我可以看看书找自己的兴趣，不缠着他
久而久之，这样的生活形态与心态就固定了下来
---
现在，嘴里是说[我没事啊]
到了没人的时候，我就会这样
我不哭，只是脑子里想着一堆事
常常想的睡不着，自己难过，想哭又流不出泪来
心里的垫子破了，稳住的心情没了底，乱了
除了封闭自己，尽情感受悲伤以外我对什么都提不起兴趣来
除了能唱出我心情的伤心情歌以外，什么歌都不想要听
这是真心话。
我好想好想大声的呐喊！“我不是没事！有大件事！”
是颠覆了我的世界的大事，你觉得很夸张吗？没关系
这么样夸张的言语和想法我绝对不会带出去~
明天看到我，我还是会说“我没事！”
开了电脑，上线玩Facebook
没事做就翻了以前在里面写过的东西来看
发现，有他的日子里心里原来那么平静
虽然偶尔会闹一下情绪，心情还是稳的
因为，把他放到了心里殿着底
知道不管怎么样他都还是在的，是我的
知道虽然不是男女朋友可是到莫一种程度上来说
他是要我的。
我记得，2008年7月的莫一天
心情不好，坐在KEN-CHAN RAMEN里喝得醉得不行
很纳闷觉得自己很下贱，为什么人家讲明不做男女朋友
我还是可以没有迟疑的答应他接受这种关系，继续下去
可是时间慢慢的过去，一天一天的适应和相处
从克服自己，和小孩说再见，到能他认真去想和我的未来
其中我经历的种种情绪狠狠的教会我怎么无条件的去爱
慢慢的心态一天一天的改变，知道如果爱他就只有降过
只有这样的一天过一天他再会继续要我，让我留下来
所以只要能留在他身边，我怎么样都OK
寂寞时我可以去找朋友玩，不烦他不打扰他
有时间我可以看看书找自己的兴趣，不缠着他
久而久之，这样的生活形态与心态就固定了下来
---
现在，嘴里是说[我没事啊]
到了没人的时候，我就会这样
我不哭，只是脑子里想着一堆事
常常想的睡不着，自己难过，想哭又流不出泪来
心里的垫子破了，稳住的心情没了底，乱了
除了封闭自己，尽情感受悲伤以外我对什么都提不起兴趣来
除了能唱出我心情的伤心情歌以外，什么歌都不想要听
这是真心话。
我好想好想大声的呐喊！“我不是没事！有大件事！”
是颠覆了我的世界的大事，你觉得很夸张吗？没关系
这么样夸张的言语和想法我绝对不会带出去~
明天看到我，我还是会说“我没事！”
